This has been sort of a bad week for me emotionally. I felt truly burned out with my job and almost hated heading into the office to begin the work day. It is the same thing day after day and although I would like to quit my job, I do not have another one to take its place. *sigh* Everything in due time I suppose.

Not having to work today is helping with the burn out. It would be nice to take one day off a month just to have the house all to myself and just roam and frolick on the ‘Net, knit, and just relax my brain for a while. Since I technically do not have any “days off” this is impossible; and if too much work is missed, well, there is no more job. Why is it that the truly stressful jobs do not give you time to keep going and doing the same thing every day?

Since there is no work for today and the PC (Charlie) is up and functioning, I am downloading World of Warcraft onto him and hoping to play some today. It has been forever since I have played and I truly just want to sit and escape into a different world for a while that is not of my own creation.

The worlds of my own creation are actually beginning to work out OK. The novel that is about the serial killer is, well, progressing nicely. It is taking different turns than what I expected it to go, but so far the turns have proven to be quite useful and effective – although I am pretty sure some of this is going to have to be cut down for continuity’s sake.

WHRTT is back on my desk and, for the first time in many years, I am quite excited with him being there. More ideas are present than they were before when I submitted him the first time. Now I realize that the story itself is not finished. It is about half way done. Why couldn’t I see that before? Was I just too frightened and simply trying to make my goal deadline instead of simply finishing the story to the best possible conclusion? Right now I can’t say, but I am leaning toward fear for the most part.

Why does it take so long for WoW to download?

Kolbar took off work yesterday and did nothing except keep the dogs quiet and play Rogue Galaxies on the PS2. Last night when we began playing Feng Shui he looked better and more relaxed than I had seen him for weeks. I am hoping my day alone – Kolbar has gone down to Berea to visit his parents and our nephews – with WoW and the Internet I am going to be just as rested and peaceful. It feels good not to have overly much pressure on my shoulders at the moment. It feels WONDERFUL!
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Tomorrow Kolbar and I are going to the chiropractor he has found. Kolbar has been going for several weeks and is really jazzed so wants me to go. I am nervous about this and a little worried. I will go for the preliminary and see if I truly do trust the guy enough to touch me. The only spot I would like put back into place is the spot between my shoulder blades. It makes me hurt and be uncomfortable.

The other night I was brave, I tell you! I did my own belly dance routine for Kolbar. Complete in my little outfit! He enjoyed it (and that is putting it mildly). Of course I cannot dance anywhere near well, but I do have fun and I felt sexy, so it was a win-win situation for both of us. After dancing I did realize I need to throw caution (sort of) to the wind and just continue my practice every single day: a) I need the exercise; b) it is fun and makes me feel good; c) I enjoy doing it; and d) Kolbar thinks it is fantastic. I can’t dance on my feet for very long at a time – not like going to the club of course – so each day is a challenge to last an entire song. I am pleased with my progress, and so is he. Actually, Kolbar was somewhat stunned in his pleasure. I haven’t heard that particular laugh in a long time.

I have noticed I post more personal things here than I do elsewhere.  For some reason this blog on WordPress feels more like home, more relaxed.  There are times when this is absolutely a priceless commodity – being relaxed.

Saturday Kolbar, Little Girl, Marine and I went to the UK museum to see an Ancient Egypt exhibit.  It has me completely filled up with thoughts about the past, present, and future.  It isn’t all just about the human race, purely – it is also concerning me and how I could possibly fit into everything.  It is amazing how things can change and yet be so very much the same.  Once we had gone through the entire Ancient Egyptian exhibit I wanted into the portrait section and was flabbergasted by a truth that made me sit quietly before one painting in particular and compare then to now where people are concerned as a whole, and as individuals.

As usual there were some purchases made – one of the most anticipated purchases was the next novel in the J.P. Beaumont detective series by J. A. Jance, Trial By Fury. The last time I made it to Barnes & Noble there weren’t any copies available.

Straight from there I wandered and perused spines and jacket covers at a leisurely pace until I came to the craft section and the knitting books.

Once there much of the latest stress practically began to fall away like unneeded and unwanted weights. It was such an immediate sensation I don’t believe I would have been surprised to hear the tinks and thuds of varying sizes of weights hitting the floor.

As I was thumbing through some of the knitting books (I need a baby sweater pattern for my niece who is expecting her second child) I suddenly understood what having a passion for something truly meant (at least to me).

Having a passion for something like knitting, reading, video games, dancing, writing, singing, etc. means that you have something so important to you that you can’t see yourself not doing it or being immersed in something to do with the object of you passion.

Being passionate about something means it not only satisfies the mundane need, but it also satisfies your mind and soul in a different place and thus causes your body to relax. It also lets you relax enough to reach out and touch Creativity itself, which also lets you grasp, on an unexplainable level, something about the Creator.

Having a passion for something means it is somehow a part of you, an important part and without it you would feel just a little less whole.

I knew already I am, on a general level, quite a passionate person, but had never considered – beyond writing, of course – what my true passions were…are, and was surprised at what they are.

At the top, of course, is writing. This passion is such a part of me it is almost as necessary as breathing! Next would come my knitting, reading, and, surprisingly, my Nintendo DSi (my little toy). These are things I am genuinely passionate about.

Since these things genuinely mean so much to me it is almost impossible to describe my passion for my husband, my dogs, my family, and my friends. Above all of this it is truly impossible to describe my passion for my faith.

I am actually quite thankful for all of the passions inside. It permits me to live the life I have been given to the fullest, with only a few reservations. There is some pain involved living life this way because the heart is open to enjoy and experience everything as much as possible, and others to their utmost. So far I wouldn’t change anything.

All-in-all this has been a good weekend so far. Yesterday I actually made it to Barns & Noble where I roamed and made purchases and then went back and got a fiction book to read (another J.A. Jance novel). It was awesome just to go and relax somewhere outside of my home. This working from home is a two edged sword: it is both good and bad for me. So, as long as I am working from home I am going to have to make sure and go out some place a couple of times a week if possible so I don’t go absolutely bonkers. Yes, yes, I know some of you may disagree horribly about the “bonkers” comment, but Do you want me any more so than I already am? LoL.

Kolbar met me at Barns & Noble and I took him out to dinner – my treat. He seemed to enjoy it, but not as much as I was. He was in one of his moods, as well as not feeling well. Kolbar has begun to see a chiropractor, so I am hoping this guy will help Kolbar. I don’t want him to hurt and I would like for the mood swings to settle down a little more.

I purchased a moleskin planner but Kolbar said he needed a planner so I gave it to him. For some reason Kolbar does not like to use MS Outlook to keep track of work projects. I use it all of the time with my own work, but I am more a technogeek than my darling husband. It was my plan to use it as a novel writing tool with notes and word counts because putting word counts and notes on the ‘Net just doesn’t sit well with me. When I go back there, however, I will make sure and pick up another one just for me. It surprised Kolbar I offered it to him, and he was so appreciative it made me feel all warm and sparkly inside.

It was my hope I would be able to go to the GameStop out in Hamburg but Kolbar didn’t feel like walking out there with me. Since it is such a problem to get to a gamestore for me right now, I am probably going to make an order and either go and pick it up at one of the stores or just go ahead and have the stuff mailed out. My only beef is paying for the shipping and handling, but if I am actually going to receive it I may as well just pay the extra. Since I can’t purchase that much as is, well, this may just be the better of the ideas rolling around in my brain.

Well, I guess that is enough for me for now. Have a great weekend all.